Dreams.

Early Morning Sun at Mount Rainier National Park, on my way up to Camp Muir. Loving my Gregory 35 L Sage Pack.

When I close my eyes at night, I see snowy mountain tops and beautiful alpine lakes. You could call it a bit of an obsession since I went on my first hike up to Lena Lake this year. How great it is to be living the what you dream about? Sure, I know find myself dreaming of the summits of  Washington volcanoes, but I cannot believe how far I have come.

Let's think about it, what makes a person become an addict for these type of adventures? There is nothing glamorous about the call of hiking and mountaineering. It is completely understandable why many would prefer to go to the lake on a nice day as compared to hanging out on the Muir Snowfield. To be honest,  I was in a very dark place, I did not love myself and did not know myself. I paid for therapy, but nothing made more sense than testing my strength, endurance, and mental health like the mountains.

The mountains don't sugar coat the truth. They put you in your place when you need it, and they make you work for the view. It is a great reminder that nothing in life worth having is easy. Nothing in life will just be given to you. For me, it is a constant reminder that I am much stronger and braver than I give myself credit for. Sure, I get scared shitless, knowing that in a moment if I fall, that could be it, my time could be up. Maybe, mountaineering or hiking is for the partially insane. The inner dialogue that I have with myself must be quite entertaining. I truly believe that everything I want, is on the other side of fear.

For us "nature addicts" this carries over into our everyday lives. We no longer compare ourselves to others. We really no longer care, because we see things differently as we continue to test ourselves physically and mentally. We now, rate ourselves on how we did on our adventures, not how drunk we got with friends over the weekend. I much prefer to go to bed early on Friday night, to be up early for a hike on Saturday. Weird huh?

I've been single for almost a year, and not once have I been sad and distraught that I am alone. My life is so full, and honestly, giving up my adventures or having to worry about someone else and their happiness is not really a desire at this point. It will be hard for me to settle down, and that person that does eventually make the cut, will probably be pretty rad.

The friendships that are made in the mountains are lifelong bonds that cannot be explained. There is a mutual understanding that you want to feel and experience everything because life is so short and you all see the beauty in it.

I guess that doesn't explain it, but I will take my sunburnt scalp, the feeling of a summit, and my friendships over anything in this world. Because it's life, and I chose to live it.

Until the next adventure.

Clarity

 Clarity

Devil's Lake (Outside of Bend, Oregon)

I'll never have a lot of money, drive a fancy car,  or define myself with material items, and may never find that soulmate that so many people are looking for. I am okay with all of these things, because I am complete without these things. It took me a very long time to realize that being me is enough. I never knew how much of myself I was missing, how much of myself I had buried down deep inside to be what society has wanted me to be. 

My life took a strange turn of events in the past year. Things that have happened that would have broken me in the past have not broken me.  I have come to accept and deal with my demons. Things that broke me last year, have had no effect on me anymore.  I no longer care what people think about me, because I have such amazing people in my life.

If someone told me that I would be doing what I am doing now last year, I would have never of believed them. Life has a funny way of showing you the things that matter when you start to let go of the things that do not matter. You are the only person who can make yourself happy. I control my happiness and  I will allow no man or woman to belittle me.

 That's right, no one can make you happy. Keep searching for that someone that is supposed to complete you and make you happy, you won't find it. That person that you are looking for is you.

I had been lost for a very long time. No idea who I was, but it was on a trip to Penrose State Park that I decided to take control and follow my heart. It was time for me, to be me. Regardless if anyone thought I could do it.

January 1, 2015. I woke up knowing that this year was going to be different and no one could stop me from what my heart was telling me. As a kid, I spent so much time up the Coeur d' Alene River. I never felt so at home in the woods of my childhood. Reading "Into Thin Air," sparked my interested in mountaineering, the fact that people would risk their lives to climb the highest peak in the world.  I got my feet wet with Mount Washington in New Hampshire after being in an abusive relationship as a teenager. It meant so much to me, proving to myself that I could do it. The coordinates are tattooed on my body so I never forget that I am stronger than I think I am.

It took about 6 years for me to remember that I was stronger than I remembered. That's where you will find me now. Hiking and climbing is my passion, so many people have laughed at me and said I could not do it. Guess what? I am doing it, proving them all wrong.  You can do it too, you have to start somewhere, you have to dream big.

That's what I am doing, dreaming big. I've climbed volcanoes, sometimes they win, sometimes I win. Life has become sort of a dream to me. The world I see, is a world that not many will ever get to see. I can never describe the beauty of the mountains, the that feeling takes over when I am pushing my body so hard that I can't give up because my goal is in site. Sure, I have failed, Mount Adams still haunts me. My passion is so strong that I find before an adventure like a child the night before Christmas.  I never sleep well before I go out, because to me, I am the luckiest girl in the world. Who gets to live their dream a few days a week and have friends who enjoy sharing it?  

Yeah,  I am that person who enjoys the dirt underneath my nails, ache from the climb, sweat from my hard work, and the mental game I play every time I am out. Sure, I share everything on Social Media--not to be "cool," but to show everyone that they can do it too.  At 28, I took control of my life, decided I needed to start living it. Letting life pass you by is a terrible thing. I couldn't be a guest in my own life, I needed to be the captain. Anyone can do it, anyone can follow their dreams. You have to start somewhere. I went from Penrose State Park to the South Sister in 7 months. I do something that scares me at least a few days a week. I truly believe that everything I want from life is on the other side of fear. 

Every moment is so important. The colors of the world have never been more vivid or beautiful, because I take time to notice that. Remember how blessed I am to be alive and live where I live. You know? Life is really beautiful, if you take time to see it.  Clarity, it is an amazing thing. I hope you get a chance to see the world I see. Words cannot describe the beauty.

Until the next adventure.