Awake My Soul

Washington Pass, South Arete, after a splitter day, my first Alpine climb was a success. Photo by: C. Marshall Photography.

When was the last time you truly felt alive?

We constantly sell ourselves short on our abilities and often push our passions to the side because we believe we need to satisfy the demands that society places on us. Who really decided that working 50 plus hours a week was living? Can you remember the last time that you truly felt something? The last time  an experience was felt in the depths of your soul?

Preparing to enter the last year of my twenties, it was time to do something big to celebrate my growth personally and to reap the rewards of all my hard work over the past year. Of course, I crave a Mount Rainier Summit, but unfortunately, I do not think this will be my year for a summit with the warm conditions. Life has a funny way of working itself out at the end of the day. When I look back to a year ago, I cannot believe how much I have changed. My old self would not even recognize the person I have become. My life was full of negativity, both in my personal life and career. It seemed that I was in a constant state of depression and anxiety. Discovering my passion and the freedom that I gain from the mountains has forever changed me. No one defines me, and the people that I have connected with through the shared passion are life long friends. 

The plan: first alpine climb (South Arete) and first mountaineering experience (Mount Shuksan). I was sure not to mention to Chris Marshall, AMGA certified guide, during the planning of our trip to Washington Pass and Mount Shuksan would not be only my third backpacking trip, ever.  When I commit to something, I really commit, my first ever backpacking experience was to Lunch Counter on Mount Adams, and was followed up with a Memorial Day weekend trip to Marmot Pass. Living life out of my comfort zone is my favorite. Most people wonder how you prepare for these type of trips, and some laugh because it's easy to pay someone to short rope your ass to the top of a mountain. For me, I have trained, I have poured my heart and soul into the mountains. Spending any free time I have hitting the trails or gym. Rock climbing is a different story, I had not climbed since I was 22, and did not have much time to prepare. But when I get my mind set on something, I really get my mind set on it. This could be a bad trait, but it's all or nothing for me.

Chris Marshall and I getting a little warm up in at Fun Rock, the night before we headed to Washington Pass. 

I am not going to lie to anyone, I freaked myself out a little by watching You Tube videos of the South Arete (SEWS) and Mount Shuksan climbs. It was a really weird feeling to be terrified and so excited all at once. While packing, I thought a lot about what lead me to this passion, years spent obsessing over my big mountain dreams were starting to come full circle. I also thought of Liz Daley and how she continues to inspire me even in her death.

We left bright and early, for a 3 hours drive. This would be my first "real" North Cascades experience, and Chris was going to make sure I really got the best of it. We made our stops at Diablo Lake and the Washington Pass overlook, and made a quick trip to Fun Rock.

Fun Rock was a good test for me, Chris was sure to coach me through some moves and when I struggled coming up one route, he promptly told me I would be doing it again. Fun, right? It was amazing how much quicker I made it up the second time. The best advice from this warm up would be to breath and to think about my foot work. It wasn't a race, so why try to hurry up it.


[Side note, there is a delicious bakery off the freeway in Mount Vernon that shares a space with a antique store. Go to the bakery, they make the most delicious Cinnamon Rolls I have ever had in my life.]

We enjoyed a delicious dinner at our camping site and prepared for our early morning. Was I stoked when we woke up the next day? YES! We arrived at the South Arete after a hike in which I had my first baby goat experience, no one told me they were so cute. 

Harness and helmet were on, I was ready! Shout out to Petzl for making the best stuff ever. It was a splitter day and I took in everything. It was pretty rad to start using the lingo of rock climbing, and the top came quicker than expected. We made it, to the top boulder of the South Arete. It did not seem real, kind of like a dream. Did I really do this? The moment on the top of the boulder was short lived, it was covered in flying red ants. Nobody said climbing was glamorous. Snapped our photos, and only went a few feet down to share our first summit Rainier together.

Summit of SEWS (C. Marshall Photography)

Satisfied. That's the  best word to describe how I felt after the summit of SEWS. Sure, to avid climbers it is an easy climb, but you have to start somewhere. Needless to say, I have my eye on the Liberty Bell for my next trip to Washington Pass. I would say, at 29, I never thought that I would be completing my first successful alpine climb.

We camped that night and enjoyed the fruits of our labor with some whiskey. Tomorrow morning would come early, and we would need to be at the ranger station to get our camping permit for Mount Shuksan. Somebody pinch me, because this shit did not seem real.

Permit was in hand by 7:30am and we headed to Mount Shuksan. I still had failed to mention to Chris that this was my third backpacking trip, ever. When we arrived at the trailhead, I expected to be more nervous, but wasn't. I loaded up my pack, and I always pack too much food, and I have learned that my sleeping bag is WAY to HEAVY. My packed weighed anywhere from 35-40 pounds. Off we went, seriously, was this real? About an hour into the hike is when Chris finally started asking me about all my backpacking trips I have been on. The look on his face when I told him this was my first, was priceless. Yup, I go hard or go home.

Thank goodness for energy chews and fresh spring water, because your body doesn't want much of anything when you are sweating your ass off and have weight strapped to your back. I think finally arriving at the snow was the final push I needed.  

Just after  crossing the National Park Boundary for our final push to Mount Shuksan High Camp.
(Photo by C. Marshall Photography)

Thank goodness for energy chews and fresh spring water, because your body doesn't want much of anything when you are sweating your ass off and have weight strapped to your back. I think finally arriving at the snow was the final push I needed. Seeing the Crystal and Sulphide Glaciers and the summit pyramid was pretty epic. I was going to do this, nothing was going to stop me. Everything I wanted was on the other side of fear. This is the motto I live by.

Home Sweet Home.

Arriving at High Camp on Mount Shuksan, Crystal and Sulphide Glaciers and Summit Pyramid in the Background.
(Photo by C. Marshall Photography)

We got the best spot at high camp, I like to think we got VIP because there was only one other group.   After unpacking,  it started to sink in,  everything I had accomplished to get to this moment. Dinner was prepared on what will be referred to as "Sunset Rock," you are so close to Baker, you can almost touch it. The sunset, was not too bad either, especially with the moon coming out early. Full moons have a way of touching your soul. I've never been in a more beautiful place, being alive, feeling everything, this is what it's about. The way the beauty of a place can really touch you, shape who you are. That is what it is all about. This is a perfect memory.

Wake up call, 2:30am. Coffee in my sleeping bag, can't be beat. Crampons, helmet, ice axe, harness, let's rope up. 

Oh, to be a mountaineer.  I was robotic in my movements as we started for the glacier. Making sure to mimic Chris's movements as he lead the way. The moon lit up our path, there was almost no need for our headlamps. The air was crisp and warm. Time seemed to stand still for a moment. The first sunlight of day hit the North Cascades and the gapping crevasses.  I felt no fear, no terror, just joy for the beauty that this world had to offer me.

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Sunrise at Mount Shuksan (Photo by C. Marshall Photography)

We made our way to the Southeast Rib. Crampons and Ice Axe were packed away. The climb started, and for a moment, the fear took over.  There was a pep talk, and an inner dialogue with myself, that I could do this, because I wanted to the top. Nothing was going to stop me. I watched Chris climb up the rib, he made it look easy. Every moment he made was so graceful and thought out.  Footwork, that was my constant thought, and to stop hugging my body to the rock. As I went ascended, I repeated to myself everything he had said as he went up. 

Finally, we made it. The top? Really? I did it? Seriously?

I sat for a moment, Chris pointed out that you could see Mount Rainier, Glacier Peak, and pointed to Canada. I soaked it in, took a swig of whiskey. Thanks Chris for taking the extra weight.

It hit me. 

A year ago, I would have never imagined that I would be here. So happy, so satisfied, and able to demand so much of my body. I thought of Liz again and others that have lots their lives to their passions. It shook me to the core of my existence.  The tears came, because I was truly moved by the experience of the past few days. This was my life, and I was living it. If I died tomorrow, I knew that I lived it. 

All moments, contained this moment.

I can spare you the boring parts of being lowered, rappelling, being short roped, and the powering down the glacier. It was a good celebration that evening upon returning to town, and a extended celebration at the Sounders game.  

Lessons learned, I am addicted to alpine rock. Hiking was my gateway drug, and I am hungry for more. I have the most supportive and best teacher with Chris. He has taught me so much in such a little amount of time. Happiness is truly best shared. My mind is full of dreams of peaks including, Stuart, Prussik, and of course still Rainier.

Until the next adventure.

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