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| Lake Wentachee, Washington. Photo Credit: Erin Cunningham |
Finally, I am taking time to write. It has been a while since I have taken time out to sort my thoughts and get them all written down. Perhaps, it is because I finally have had the time to absorb and process all the events of the past year.
I cannot even recognize the person I was in old pictures. I was negative, uncomfortable in my skin, and so unhappy. I was grasping for something, that I did not know I was grasping for. At the end of the day, I found myself outside. Outside is not just a weekend thing for me. Sure, I think a lot of my friends thought it was a phase and I had to give up a lot of things in order to focus on making outside my life. I have lost touch with friends, they are all great people, we just do not share common interest anymore. The idea of what society wants from me was the first thing I really threw out the window. Why do I have to have a corporate job that I feel is meaningless? As well as, thoughts of why children, marriage, house, and all the materialistic things mattered so much to people.
Letting go of my last serious boyfriend seemed like such a hard thing to do, but when I look it now, he was holding me back from myself. We just were not right for each other, and I am so happy I took time to realize this. He really never knew me. Losing my job, that sucked at the time, but now, I realize how lucky I got to get out of there. You have all heard this story before though.
Finally, in May of last year, I felt comfortable with me, just me. I credit this to a strong support group of friends and family. Life is pretty great when you get to do the things you love with the people you love. So there I was, minding my own business, plotting my next adventures.
From out of the middle of nowhere, the universe threw me a curveball. A curveball in the form of a good-looking mountain guide, who had an interest in yours truly. Everything was fun with him, we hit it off and shared lots of laughs. He changed me, more than you would think for such a small amount of time we spent together. I was in awe of how beautiful he made the alpine look, not only with his photos, but with how his passion and dedication shined through. He made the life he lived truly beautiful.
In a short amount of time he showed me some of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Opened my eyes to how strong and capable I really am. Shuksan, SEWS, agreeing to attempt Stuart, climbing in Leavenworth, and the grand finale of the relationship being Joshua Tree and Red Rock Canyon. I put on my brave face when I went home, knowing it was over. Boarding my plane back to Washington, I knew it was over. Summer had faded away, like us. I was broken hearted, I can't even lie. No one probably knew how heart broken I really was.
Now, months later, I have had time to reflect on the events of the summer. How important it was for me to meet him and share those experiences. Without him coming into my life, I would never had the final push I needed to make outside my life. Not to mention, getting thrown in to rock climbing and discovering that passion has been pretty rad too.
That's the thing we forget about, we forget to embrace the moment. Remember everyone comes into our life for a reason. Life is not made up of the should have, could have, would have moments. But the real raw moments, the moments where we push ourselves to the limit. Feeling everything, the hurt, pain, happiness, passion, and beauty in each moment. You cannot forget to take in the moment, even if things seem bad, there is so much to be thankful for in this one life we get. Do not be that person that gets caught up in the negativity of the moment. If someone does not want to take the time to get to know me, I really do not care. It's their loss at the end of the day. I know what I have to offer.
It is also really entertaining all the people who have formulated opinions on who I am that use to know me. Or the people who do not know me at all. They think of me one way, but have taken no time to get to know me or get to know me again. Someone use to always tell me that it was not possible for people to change. I laugh when I hear that now, because I am living proof that it is possible to change. You have to decide what your worth is, and what you need out of life to be happy. Not what others need to give you in life to make you happy.
With all of this being said. I have decided to build the life that I love. Not a life that my parents, friends, and society wants me to have. I live a pretty simple life. I work to pay my bills and have enough money to travel and get some gear from time to time. But it's a life that allows me to do what I want. A life that truly excites and makes me feel truly alive. I choose outside, because there is nothing in the world that makes me feel more like myself or happier. How many people can really say that they are living the life they want?
I have been spending my winter months working on my climbing and focusing on what I need to do to get to where I need to be. It has become more and more obvious that I crave a life where I can share my passion and teach others about the outdoors. It is my hope that I can get some more experience and education in the alpine. So, by this time next year, I can be gearing up to guide clients and teach the younger generation about how empowering outside can be.
These days, I do not let much get me too upset. Everything is only temporary, and nothing last forever. You have to embrace the moment, be thankful for your life. Make sure you drink a few beers, make some great friends, and live in the moment.
Until the next adventure my friends.
In a short amount of time he showed me some of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Opened my eyes to how strong and capable I really am. Shuksan, SEWS, agreeing to attempt Stuart, climbing in Leavenworth, and the grand finale of the relationship being Joshua Tree and Red Rock Canyon. I put on my brave face when I went home, knowing it was over. Boarding my plane back to Washington, I knew it was over. Summer had faded away, like us. I was broken hearted, I can't even lie. No one probably knew how heart broken I really was.
Now, months later, I have had time to reflect on the events of the summer. How important it was for me to meet him and share those experiences. Without him coming into my life, I would never had the final push I needed to make outside my life. Not to mention, getting thrown in to rock climbing and discovering that passion has been pretty rad too.
That's the thing we forget about, we forget to embrace the moment. Remember everyone comes into our life for a reason. Life is not made up of the should have, could have, would have moments. But the real raw moments, the moments where we push ourselves to the limit. Feeling everything, the hurt, pain, happiness, passion, and beauty in each moment. You cannot forget to take in the moment, even if things seem bad, there is so much to be thankful for in this one life we get. Do not be that person that gets caught up in the negativity of the moment. If someone does not want to take the time to get to know me, I really do not care. It's their loss at the end of the day. I know what I have to offer.
It is also really entertaining all the people who have formulated opinions on who I am that use to know me. Or the people who do not know me at all. They think of me one way, but have taken no time to get to know me or get to know me again. Someone use to always tell me that it was not possible for people to change. I laugh when I hear that now, because I am living proof that it is possible to change. You have to decide what your worth is, and what you need out of life to be happy. Not what others need to give you in life to make you happy.
With all of this being said. I have decided to build the life that I love. Not a life that my parents, friends, and society wants me to have. I live a pretty simple life. I work to pay my bills and have enough money to travel and get some gear from time to time. But it's a life that allows me to do what I want. A life that truly excites and makes me feel truly alive. I choose outside, because there is nothing in the world that makes me feel more like myself or happier. How many people can really say that they are living the life they want?
I have been spending my winter months working on my climbing and focusing on what I need to do to get to where I need to be. It has become more and more obvious that I crave a life where I can share my passion and teach others about the outdoors. It is my hope that I can get some more experience and education in the alpine. So, by this time next year, I can be gearing up to guide clients and teach the younger generation about how empowering outside can be.
These days, I do not let much get me too upset. Everything is only temporary, and nothing last forever. You have to embrace the moment, be thankful for your life. Make sure you drink a few beers, make some great friends, and live in the moment.
Until the next adventure my friends.
