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| Squamish, BC (PC: Lauren Hurst)
I am sitting in my room, looking at all of my material possessions. Wondering what the point of having all these things is? In the past few months, I have had some serious time to contemplate where I am going with my life. All the mistakes, successes, and what dreams I want to accomplish in my short time I have here. I have learned so much more about myself than I ever thought was possible. Things that I had just dreamt of have become reality. I am grasping at all the possibilities and can almost reach out and touch it.
The layers that I have shed in the past few months have been incredible, I was told that I would want to eventually go back to the corporate world and be an adult again. But it seems quite the opposite, I could not imagine my life without outside. My heart has been pulling me in the direction of following most would think would be impossible if they knew me a few years ago. Emerging for that dark place was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The transition makes me a stranger to those who knew me in those darkest days.
I had to shatter the person that I use to be, the person who I could barely look at in the mirror. I picked up bits and pieces of who I liked, but had to let go of the insecure, negative, scared little girl. At some point, you have to let go. By no means, has my journey over the past two years been a perfect story of transition. Many moving parts have left me heartsick, discouraged, and angry at times. The thing is, you have to learn to let go of those things, take all of those experiences and turn them into something to grow from. Although, I am not a religious person, I truly believe that everyone comes in to your life for a reason, and everything is a learning experience. You have to take the good out of every experience, even if it is hard to see at the time.
You have to let the experiences move you to your very core. I have never been more stoked or scared in my life over the past year. My most amazing experiences have left me thinking, "Holy Fucking Shit, this is terrifying and awesome---all at once." That is the amazing thing, to feel everything and let it shake your very being. People do not realize how much a short amount of time can change you. I have collected and treasured so many memories in the past month.
I know I have met some very pivotal people in my life in the past few months. After finding myself unemployed, I decided to dedicate myself to achieving some of my goals with all of my extra time. I aimed to climb 5 volcanoes for the month of May. Only finding success on Mt. St. Helens and Mount Baker, weather just didn't want to make work for me. But there is no shame in the failure of not meeting the goal. No reason to dwell or beat myself up over it. Actually, I am happy it did not work out. I got to climb so much, and not to mention spend a week in Smith Rock, where I was connected with some very inspiring people who have re-awakened and ignited the fire to push the limits of my life. Smith Rock changed me.
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| Taking up the Sharp End at Smith Rock State Park (PC: Axel Hoffmann) |
Smith Rock slapped me in the face. I was forced to look at my training and focus. Had I really been giving everything I had to Rock Climbing? The answer, no. Sure, I was spending a lot of my time climbing, but was I preparing my mind and body for the goals that I want to accomplish? No. It was a slap in the face, and promptly upon my return, I completely changed my focus and training. Climbing in the gym would include for bouldering, focus on footwork, crack climbing, and cardio. So far, I am already feeling stronger. I went to Leavenworth and Index this past week, and am already feeling and seeing improvements.
Climbing with three insanely talented climbers in Smith was very motivating. Seeing how flawlessly they climbed and how they were not scared to fall made me realize that my fear of falling on lead was silly. Although, I could not even get halfway up on routes they were crushing, they encouraged me, and have pushed me more than they probably realize. I was comfortable, I never wanted to fall on top rope, let alone lead. But enough, was enough, I am the master of my success. There is no way I can get better if I am hanging on to fear. Letting go of the fear has been the best thing I can do.
Rock climbing is scary. Best way to get over it? Force yourself to deal with the fear. I make myself fall on top rope if I feel like I am getting in my head. You are your own worst enemy when it comes to climbing, and whipping, it really is not as bad as you think. As a girl, you got to push it hard, focus, and toughen the fuck up.
The real deal after my experiences in Smith, Leavenworth, and Index in the past few weeks. My life in city is really wearing on me. I got a job, that I am going to work for a while, get my finances in line, and give myself a few months to figure out a few things. I will probably be living in my car in a few months and have a few places in mind that sound pretty nice. My focus is how I can become a strong and safe rock climber. Each step I take needs to lead me to becoming self-sufficent and the path of working towards a Rock Guide Position. Props to all of the people who have been patient with me and taught me their skills. I know I still have a lot of work and dedication to go, but I know it is what I want. My family and some of my friends are still struggling to deal with the fact that I am striving to be "homeless," but they know if I am happy and supporting myself, that it will all be okay. Also, I think this is the year that I really need to follow my heart and see where it takes me. No sense in continuing to keep it so guarded. It's time to be open with my heart to more experiences.
The best thing, I feel terrified and excited all at once. That is how I know I am living it right. No one ever regrets following their heart or doing something crazy every once in a while.
This blog has been a bit of a way for me to share my journey, and I hope that it can help at least one person. But I also want to share things that I am currently using as motivators, inspiration, and may just some fun random facts at the end of every blog post, because I think it is kind of fun. So hear goes.
Favorite Songs of the Moment:
"Devil Eyes" Hippie Sabotage
"This Is How We Walk On The Moon" Jose Gonzalez
"Heart It Races" Dr. Dog
Favorite Current Climbs:
The Great Northern Slab (5.7 Multipitch) at Index Lower Town Wall
Classic Crack (5.8) Leavenworth, Eight Mile Rock
A Desperate Man (5.9) Smith Rock, Snake Rock
Instagram Inspiration Accounts:
@emilyaharrington
@zebblais
@t.botz
@thehanksmith
Until the next adventure all....
