South Sister Redemption

It's been about a month since I climbed the South Sister in Bend, Oregon. But I am still dreaming about it. For those of you who read my blog, you know that I had a huge disappointment when I got in my own head at Mount Adams a few months ago. It was a really tough thing for me, and I thought maybe I was not cut out to be on big mountains. Instead of dwelling on this thought, I decided I needed to step my game up and train harder. I could not let a failure define me.

The gym has become more of a place where I go to ensure that I am healthy and strong for my dreams. I HATE working out my arms and back, but this has become a huge focus for my training, especially when it comes to a 20-30 pound pack. I take weight everywhere I go, and it isn't always my favorite, but I feel much stronger every time.  I also am making it a priority to be outside at least twice a week. I know, you are all wondering how I do this. I had the corporate job worked 50-60 hours a week, and now I wonder why I ever did that. 

Happiness is not about all the money you make, but about doing what your heart loves. My heart loves being outside and challenging myself. I would rather be able to barely pay my bills than live a life where I cannot follow my passions.

For those of you interested, the South Sister is awesome. But it is also a total mind f&%. She goes by the name Charity, and is the third highest mountain in Oregon next to Mount Hood and Jefferson. Driving into Bend, you see the Sisters sitting pretty and you start to get the  butterflies. There is something about looking at a mountain and knowing you will be climbing it that really gets you excited.  We got a little bit later start than we wanted, but I didn't intend it to take us almost 6 hours to get to Bend, Oregon. Oh well, we made it, and set out on our adventure.

You start the hike at the Devil's Lake Campground. This campground is so gorgeous! Make sure you stay here. The trail is gentle and you spend a lot of time in the woods the first few miles. The trail then opens up to peek-a-boo views of Moraine Lake, there were lots of campers who found their way down to the lake on this hot day. This is also a great place to soak in some sun and have a quick bite, because the trail is going to start kicking your butt shortly. After leaving Moraine Lake, life gets real, you start your steady gain through a little wooded area. The wooded area is short lived and you find yourself starting your first of many approaches. 

This is where you think you see your summit. Don't get too excited, because this is just your first false summit. The snow was soft enough that I was able to kick steps in with my mountaineering boots. The differences where obvious to me when it came to this climb, as compared to Mount Adams. I felt strong, not once did I feel like my body was too tried. No thoughts of "I can't do this" came to my mind. This is what I was training for, I am strong and  can do anything.

There was one spot on the trek that made me a little scared, there was a stretch of ice that you had to cross over that was a 5,000 plus drop. An Ice Axe would not save you if you fell, a few months ago, this would have stopped me in my tracks. But what the hell, YOLO. After you climb up this area, to what you think will be the summit (and you should never think anything is the summit), you get to Tear Drop Pond. Quite a fitting name for a pond that takes you over your first false summit.

We pushed on-ward and up-ward. Up steep snow and ice to make it to what we thought would finally be the summit. It was comical to us at this point to get to the "top" only to be disappointed once again. We were in what I would refer to as the crater rim. To get to the actual summit, you get to go up a scree field and inch on over.

Charity is a bitch. For lack of better terms. But I love her, I loved every minute of it and can't wait to go back. The day was perfect, the conditions were perfect, and life, well, I cannot complain. Life isn't about the daily commutes and day to day "work". It's about these moments, the moments you can never explain and never experience twice. The people you meet on these trails are amazing and you can make a best friend just from a single climb.

I want to also give a quick shout out to the gentleman who was nice enough to find my Patagonia jacket and return it to me. I love that Nano Puff and plan on making a lot more memories with it. So thank you for making that possible.

Thank you South Sister, for reminding me that I am strong and can do anything I put my mind and heart too.

Mount Adams, I am coming for you.


Until the next adventure.

Dreams.

Early Morning Sun at Mount Rainier National Park, on my way up to Camp Muir. Loving my Gregory 35 L Sage Pack.

When I close my eyes at night, I see snowy mountain tops and beautiful alpine lakes. You could call it a bit of an obsession since I went on my first hike up to Lena Lake this year. How great it is to be living the what you dream about? Sure, I know find myself dreaming of the summits of  Washington volcanoes, but I cannot believe how far I have come.

Let's think about it, what makes a person become an addict for these type of adventures? There is nothing glamorous about the call of hiking and mountaineering. It is completely understandable why many would prefer to go to the lake on a nice day as compared to hanging out on the Muir Snowfield. To be honest,  I was in a very dark place, I did not love myself and did not know myself. I paid for therapy, but nothing made more sense than testing my strength, endurance, and mental health like the mountains.

The mountains don't sugar coat the truth. They put you in your place when you need it, and they make you work for the view. It is a great reminder that nothing in life worth having is easy. Nothing in life will just be given to you. For me, it is a constant reminder that I am much stronger and braver than I give myself credit for. Sure, I get scared shitless, knowing that in a moment if I fall, that could be it, my time could be up. Maybe, mountaineering or hiking is for the partially insane. The inner dialogue that I have with myself must be quite entertaining. I truly believe that everything I want, is on the other side of fear.

For us "nature addicts" this carries over into our everyday lives. We no longer compare ourselves to others. We really no longer care, because we see things differently as we continue to test ourselves physically and mentally. We now, rate ourselves on how we did on our adventures, not how drunk we got with friends over the weekend. I much prefer to go to bed early on Friday night, to be up early for a hike on Saturday. Weird huh?

I've been single for almost a year, and not once have I been sad and distraught that I am alone. My life is so full, and honestly, giving up my adventures or having to worry about someone else and their happiness is not really a desire at this point. It will be hard for me to settle down, and that person that does eventually make the cut, will probably be pretty rad.

The friendships that are made in the mountains are lifelong bonds that cannot be explained. There is a mutual understanding that you want to feel and experience everything because life is so short and you all see the beauty in it.

I guess that doesn't explain it, but I will take my sunburnt scalp, the feeling of a summit, and my friendships over anything in this world. Because it's life, and I chose to live it.

Until the next adventure.

Clarity

 Clarity

Devil's Lake (Outside of Bend, Oregon)

I'll never have a lot of money, drive a fancy car,  or define myself with material items, and may never find that soulmate that so many people are looking for. I am okay with all of these things, because I am complete without these things. It took me a very long time to realize that being me is enough. I never knew how much of myself I was missing, how much of myself I had buried down deep inside to be what society has wanted me to be. 

My life took a strange turn of events in the past year. Things that have happened that would have broken me in the past have not broken me.  I have come to accept and deal with my demons. Things that broke me last year, have had no effect on me anymore.  I no longer care what people think about me, because I have such amazing people in my life.

If someone told me that I would be doing what I am doing now last year, I would have never of believed them. Life has a funny way of showing you the things that matter when you start to let go of the things that do not matter. You are the only person who can make yourself happy. I control my happiness and  I will allow no man or woman to belittle me.

 That's right, no one can make you happy. Keep searching for that someone that is supposed to complete you and make you happy, you won't find it. That person that you are looking for is you.

I had been lost for a very long time. No idea who I was, but it was on a trip to Penrose State Park that I decided to take control and follow my heart. It was time for me, to be me. Regardless if anyone thought I could do it.

January 1, 2015. I woke up knowing that this year was going to be different and no one could stop me from what my heart was telling me. As a kid, I spent so much time up the Coeur d' Alene River. I never felt so at home in the woods of my childhood. Reading "Into Thin Air," sparked my interested in mountaineering, the fact that people would risk their lives to climb the highest peak in the world.  I got my feet wet with Mount Washington in New Hampshire after being in an abusive relationship as a teenager. It meant so much to me, proving to myself that I could do it. The coordinates are tattooed on my body so I never forget that I am stronger than I think I am.

It took about 6 years for me to remember that I was stronger than I remembered. That's where you will find me now. Hiking and climbing is my passion, so many people have laughed at me and said I could not do it. Guess what? I am doing it, proving them all wrong.  You can do it too, you have to start somewhere, you have to dream big.

That's what I am doing, dreaming big. I've climbed volcanoes, sometimes they win, sometimes I win. Life has become sort of a dream to me. The world I see, is a world that not many will ever get to see. I can never describe the beauty of the mountains, the that feeling takes over when I am pushing my body so hard that I can't give up because my goal is in site. Sure, I have failed, Mount Adams still haunts me. My passion is so strong that I find before an adventure like a child the night before Christmas.  I never sleep well before I go out, because to me, I am the luckiest girl in the world. Who gets to live their dream a few days a week and have friends who enjoy sharing it?  

Yeah,  I am that person who enjoys the dirt underneath my nails, ache from the climb, sweat from my hard work, and the mental game I play every time I am out. Sure, I share everything on Social Media--not to be "cool," but to show everyone that they can do it too.  At 28, I took control of my life, decided I needed to start living it. Letting life pass you by is a terrible thing. I couldn't be a guest in my own life, I needed to be the captain. Anyone can do it, anyone can follow their dreams. You have to start somewhere. I went from Penrose State Park to the South Sister in 7 months. I do something that scares me at least a few days a week. I truly believe that everything I want from life is on the other side of fear. 

Every moment is so important. The colors of the world have never been more vivid or beautiful, because I take time to notice that. Remember how blessed I am to be alive and live where I live. You know? Life is really beautiful, if you take time to see it.  Clarity, it is an amazing thing. I hope you get a chance to see the world I see. Words cannot describe the beauty.

Until the next adventure.

The Learning Curve

Backpacking, Hiking, and Mountaineering is a tough business when you are the new guy on the block. The learning curve is tough, and you tend to learn pretty quickly that your mistakes and amateur nature can kick you in the ass. I have learned quite a few lessons in my time spent in the mountains, and thought it may be helpful to some of you folks in the internet world to laugh or learn from my mistakes.

1. Platypus. You want one, no, I take it back you NEED one. You can by the off-brand models on Amazon, but in reality, that Platypus is going to be your best friend and worst enemy. It is going to be heavy, but do not be a girl. They say you should go through 3 liters on your way up to Camp Muir on Rainier, so spend the extra two dollars and buy the 3 liter. Make sure you clean it as soon as you are done using it (moisture equals mold). 

2. Crampons. I made the fatal mistake of never using or sizing my Crampons before Mount Adams. In a moment, where I found myself laying on a slope of ice and shaking from fear, I wished I would have had my Crampons fitted. Don't be me, be smarter than I was. Fit them, learn how to use them. Do not rely on someone else to take care of you.

3. Vanity Clothing/Items. Sure, all those girls look so cute and great on their Instagram feeds, but it is time to face the cold hard truth. You want to have your   pack as light as possible. I've decided and have had success with limiting my vanity items to a small Sea to Summit bag which includes: bio-degradable toilet paper, baby wipes (nothing beats a white trash shower), travel sized deodrant, toothbrush, eye drops, and yes, travel sized dry shampoo. Clothing, depends on the day and how much you "sweat." I usually bring a change of hiking pants/fresh undies and  lots of socks. I will wear the same shirt, long sleeve pullover, and tank the whole time. Still bring your rain jacket and warmer jacket in case the weather changes. The Patagonia Nano Puff rocks, because you can fold it into one of it's pockets so it doesn't take up too much space. DON'T FORGET A RUBBER BAND!

4. Know your gear. Do not buy brand new gear and expect how to learn how to work it when you get there. If you buy a stove, take it home and make sure you can use it before you head out.

5. Organize. After Adams, I decided I wanted to put everything together. Food would go in one ziplock, stove equipment in another, emergency gear in another, and so on. This makes packing much easier, you know what you are bringing and where it is at.  

6. Lay it out. Lay everything out before you go, make sure you have EVERYTHING you need and that you have a check list.

7. Food. Duh, we all know to bring food, but try to bring food that is easy to eat and pack. My favorites this far: boiled eggs (REI sales a pretty sweet 6 egg carrier), Cup-O-Noodles, Swedish Fish, and Oatmeal. I do not like the freeze dried food, and cannot justify spending the amount they want for those. Yes, I am cheap.

8. Boots. Thankfully, this is a lesson that I did not learn the hard way. If you have new boots, don't decide that you are going to climb Mailbox Peak the day you get them. For Mountaineering, don't decide that Mt. St. Helens will be the first trip on them. This could cost you a summit. Wear them on some easier hikes, BREAK THEM IN.  It may suck to be the only person on Little Si with Mountaineering Boots, but your future self will thank you.

9. Booze. Always bring Rainier, and you know those plastic empty soap bottles they sale at REI? They work as awesome flask for half the price of what they sell a hiking flask for.  You can also bring water flavors for mixed drinks:)

10. SUNSCREEN. Bring it, reapply, and don't ever think you don't need it. Cancer sucks, so protect yourself.

Until the next adventure.

What You Really Needed

Buckhorn Pass

What You Really Needed

It is weird to think, that often times we think we are losing the most important thing in our lives when we are really losing what we needed to become who we have always been?  I have loved someone with all my being, but I made the mistake, and did not love myself first. Having no idea who you are is a real deal breaker.

I never loved myself. Talking the time to love yourself and accept yourself is the best thing you can possibly do for you. Sure, it sounds like it would be common sense, but we live in a culture where we value ourselves on our appearance, the material items we own, and being "better" than the other person.  What kind of life is that? Why am I defined by my job, car, and where I live? This is not how I will choose to live my life.

My experience has made me, not money, not what I do for a living, not anything but the experience. I've spent to much of my life just existing, and not living. Sure I still struggle with what society wants me to be, but I am more happy now, than I have ever been.  Sure, I don't make that much money and I am single, but does that really mean I am alone? No, my life is more full than now, than it was a year ago.  Deciding to live and love myself is the best choice I have ever made. Defining myself to other people's standards is not how I live anymore.

Going to the bar on a Friday or Saturday just doesn't have the same appeal when I can truly live and go to the mountains. Nothing brings you back to reality and makes you realize how precious life is like a day spent in the mountains. It sets you free from when you start getting caught up in the little things of everyday life. Trust me, I still struggle and find myself letting other people's thoughts hurt. But I do know one day, I will be strong enough to ignore the toxic people.

With all this being said, what is the thing that you ever really need?

For me, the mountains, they always have a way of setting me straight and reminding me of what's important.


Until the next adventure.

The Journey to Happiness

The Journey to Happiness

4.26.15 Descending from Camp Muir on Mount Rainier. I was enamored by the beauty of this moment.

When I first started this blog, I was going through a really tough time in my life. I thought this blog was going to be an outlet to vent all of my emotional stress that was hard for me to verbalize. Little did I know, that this blog would evolve into my journey to becoming who I have always wanted to be. Deep down inside, who I have always been.

I remember when I fell in love with the idea of Mountaineering. It was shortly after I read "Into Thin Air," about the 1996 Everest Disaster. Not the book that many would credit to sparking their interest to climbing. For me, this exemplified everything that I wished I could have been. To love something so much you would be willing to give your life for it. The love of the mountains is so strong, that these people are willing to die for their passion.

In the beginning, I got my feet wet with a climb up to Mount Washington in New Hampshire. This was the first thing I had ever done for myself after spending a few years in an abusive relationship. My childhood and young adult life were spent thinking I was never good enough. This is a battle that I go through still to this day. Climbing Mount Washington was one of the best things I have ever done, I tattooed the coordinates of this location to always remind myself that I am good enough, and that no one can ever tell me I am not worth anything again.

Ira Spring Trail Creek Crossing, 4.12.15

Sadly, I did not allow myself to pursue this in the years that follow. With a series of failed relationships, being a full-time student, and working, I had not allowed myself to follow my heart's desires. In November, I was asked to step down from my position because "I wasn't the right fit." I still find this odd, since I turned around a failing division in the company. At the end of the day, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. The job was emotionally and physically exhausting, it is terrible working for people who only focus on the negative aspects of a person. Of course, I took it incredibly hard at first. 

I took a job as a server, working for a friend, to stay a float until I found the right fit.  This is perhaps, one of the best things I have ever done in my life. It helped me awaken my soul, to follow my desires and dreams. 2015, is my year, nothing can change my mind about that. I have taken at least one day a week to get outside and push myself. Taking in every moment that the mountains have to offer me. 

The descent of Mount Saint Helens with my ladies, Mount Hood in the background. 4.18.15

 Of course, Everest isn't climbed in a day. Training has been the true test of my mental and physical strength. I started off small, doing easy hikes, but now, I find myself pushing it to the limit every time I go out. A full loaded pack, standing so close to the edge of everything that makes me feel alive. There have been my failures since I started. A trip to Reflection Lake at Mount Rainier National Park ended because of down trees and a trip to Mount Townsend ended because of fear (just 500 feet short of the summit). With ever step I take I find myself getting stronger.

Summit of Mount Saint Helens, Rainier on Rainier 4.16.15

I thought therapy was going to really help me work on myself, and become a better me. How wrong I was, and I am not ashamed to say it. Nothing has made me feel more alive and more at peace than climbing. You become so appreciative of everything your body does for you. Trust me, it is pretty amazing how the little things in life seem to fade away when you are pushing yourself to the limit. You also learn how to embrace and truly live every moment. Mount Saint Helens and Camp Muir have really shown me that you have to push through, even when your mind is telling you can't do it anymore. A voice inside of me reminds me that I am alive, and most people do not get to experience these things. I have only one life to live, and I want to feel everything.

Sure, I find myself questioning my abilities here and there. There are still people who judge me, call me "Social Media" obsessed and will say nasty things about me. Do I care? No, because if your life is so pathetic you have to talk about me, go right ahead if it makes you feel better.  How can you judge someone you do not know me at all? People are weird.

Climbing and hiking for me isn't about being cool. It's about my journey, my happiness. Nothing makes me feel more alive and at peace with myself. No one can take it away from me. I share my thoughts, my pictures, and Instagram the crap out of my pictures to inspire others. If I can do it, anyone can do anything they put their mind to. Health issues have plagued my life since I was 19, but that can't stop me. This is the message that I want to send to people, you are really never too old to be who you have always wanted to be.

Yesterday, on Mount Rainier, I witnessed my first "Ice Fall," which at first appeared to be an avalanche. In that moment, I was not scared, more at peace, because I was doing what I loved. Life is pretty beautiful, and you have to embrace every moment of it. 

Getting caught up in the superficial will give you nothing. Trying so hard to be something society wants you to be will eat you alive and destroy you. Life is short, it could be over any moment. So why not live authentic?

Until the next adventure.

Enjoying the Sunset and Olympics after a weekend of climbing.

Olympics Sunday: Mount Rose

Mount Rose 

View from the Summit of Mount Rose

 After spending the Friday before this hike in the ER, I knew that this would be challenging hike. Mount Rose is one of the steepest hikes in the Olympic National Forest.  But I did not think too much of it after hiking Mailbox Peak recently.

Boy, was I wrong about how tough this hike really is. Sunday was a beautiful day, and we got to the trailhead early. The only people we ever saw on the hike were those we saw in the parking lot. The trail is a mixture of Mount Walker and Mount Ellinor. It is pretty steep, and when you think you are getting to the end point, you get to the "Summit Loop." My group decided to go to the left, and am happy we did.  This is the most challenging stretch of trail, but the peek-a-boo views make it enjoyable. You do have a little bit of a scramble, but it is nothing that the typical hiker can't handle.

Now, that I can look back on it. This hike really tested me, and was the reminder that I really love being outside and hiking. I have battled Endometriosis since I was 18. It may not sound much to someone, but I have spent much of my adult life in and out of the doctor's office trying to manage my pain. I found out on Friday, that yet again, I have another cyst on one of my ovaries. This brought me back to a place I don't want to think about. I have been doing everything right, eating healthy, staying active, and following my dreams. I decided that I couldn't fall into feeling sorry for myself, and I decided to go on the hike regardless.

You cannot let your mind get the best of you. Adventure starts at the end of our comfort zone.

Great conditioning hike for those looking to get a good workout and training.

Until the next adventure.

Mount Ellinor making her appearance.