Stop the Train.

My best attempt at Neat & Cool (5.10a) with the Chief making an appearance in the background. PC: MT)

 Sometimes, I really wish that someone would stop this train. If only I could get off for a moment, catch my breath, and remind myself that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to. The past few months have been a series of mistakes when it come to my personal life. My heart has been bruised a few too many times in the past few months, and I find sometimes that the world is getting the best of me when it comes to matters of the heart. I keep asking myself the same questions, am I too trusting, a push-over, too full of myself, do I share too much, or am I attracting what I am? 

Maybe I think too much? At the end of the day, I may  long for something that may not exist. Also, I will openly acknowledge that I am unharnessable, independent, noncommittal, talented, and wandering. All things that make it hard to put yourself out there.  We are what we attract right? I value every person who has made an impact on my life, and it does not take years for some people to really leave their mark on your heart. I do not process emotion very well, that may be why I like climbing so much. It is a way for me to escape and release what is on my mind. 

Saying how I really feel is something I struggle with. Being tough, it has always come very naturally to me, rejected and feeling disposed most of my life dates back to my childhood. I have never found myself "enough," or desiring of love for that matter. What am I really willing to share with those who are closest to me? When do any of us become completely vulnerable to those we are closest to? Sure, it seems okay in theory, but we have to openly make the choice for people to see our tears, let them know our hurt, and our joy. We share only the pieces of ourselves that we want to share on social media. When was the last time you saw an Instagram post that said, "Welp, I am at home drunk, crying, because the guy I thought was into me, lied, made me promises, and threw me away for something better" ? In my case, I have been ditched for the love of the mountains time and time again, it has been easier to be ditched for ex-girlfriend and lovers.

The thing is, I do not really blame these guys for their choices. The thought of having to give up anything on my end is really scary. Losing what I have worked so hard to become and find is the worst thing that could happen to me. Hell, I do not even know where I will be living in the next 6 months. Does this make me less desirable to the opposite sex? Do men really crave stability? Do I personally crave stability with the life I want to live? I have had friends tell me that I should stop dating climbers. I even had one guy that I rejected to go as far to call me a "groupie," which is laughable. Is it a crime to be attracted to men who have goals and are passionate about what you are passionate about? 

I have had no serious relationships, have not really dated anyone in a serious manner in over two years. Just because I am hanging out with a guy, it does not mean that I am sleeping with them, most of my closet friends are men. 

What would any relationship be without shared passions? I love climbing, although, I am far from mastering it, and am looking forward to the day that I can crush 5.10s.  Expectations seem to make things quite messy, there is a great need by many to have to define everything. Are we or aren't we? With climbing and dating, I have found that you often have to let go of expectations. Always expect the unexpected. Our passions kick our ass. Somedays, we just get our heart broken. I personally, know that myself and many of my friends are guilty of living in a fantasy of what their life should be. 

Social Media makes everyone so accessible, we get an "idea" of who this person is. The internet makes dating an all you can eat buffet. You can log on and pick apart every word, post, and picture. We talk more via text message than we do on the phone. When did we become so distant from each other? Is that why when we meet someone organically and bound that it makes the goodbye even more hurtful? 

And this is where I find myself, hanging on to those moments that were not done for social media or even brought together by social media. My most recent impact, was from a ridiculously good-looking crusher I met at Smith Rock. He blew me away the moment I met him. Why?  Because he was real, he wasn't something that I had judged previously by social media. It is a cheesy, short-lived event, but damn, he impacted me. We watched the starts at the overlook at Smith, he was a patient teacher, and was real. It was real-life, not social media bullshit. Our time together was as quick as a blink of an eye, but he impacted me. 

Thanks to him, I can properly climb cracks, breath through power movements, and  now know what is possible when people make their dreams a reality. His passion is what makes him beautiful and makes me respect him. You cannot let things break your heart like that. It does break my heart, that people like him do not come around very often. I know that in the future our paths will cross again.

There are a select few people and places that hold a piece of my heart. It is hard to understand why we have to get hurt by people, we can try to read into every sign. At the end, why can't we just let go? I find myself letting go, to let go is the only way to move forward in life. Sometimes we so desperately want to scream to people that we will wait for them. Life is not waiting for us, it is slowing down.  

The thing is, I have become a better climber because of the impact of certain people. You should use the journey to push you, push you to be better, stronger, and inspire. The fact that I had the pleasure of meeting and being impacted by such a strong person has made me a stronger person and climber. The fear that I was carrying before Smith Rock was not getting me to where I wanted to be, and yeah, my heart still feels a little bruised. Promising myself that I need to stop being so nice and not being open is not the answer. 

There are so many parallels of climbing and my love life, sometimes you give more that you get back. In the long run, the pay off is something magical. You struggle, you shed tears, and you question choices. Here is the thing, you never regret any of it. Despite the hurt and disappointment, because there is too much good to give it up. Being okay with yourself is the best thing you can do. Everything in life is temporary, we all have certain stops we take along the way, but we cannot get off the train. As badly as we want to sometimes, there is no stopping it. You cannot hang on to every stop along the way, all you can do is grow and learn from it. Take the positive for the experience, love and expect the people for who they are. You cannot runway from life. Along the way, you will encounter some who do not accept you, but you just move forward. The universe has a crazy way of making sure everything works out the way it is supposed to be.

"You Want To Be Homeless?"

Squamish, BC (PC: Lauren Hurst)

I am sitting in my room, looking at all of my material possessions. Wondering what the point of having all these things is? In the past few months, I have had some serious time to contemplate where I am going with my life. All the mistakes, successes, and what dreams I want to accomplish in my short time I have here.  I have learned so much more about myself than I ever thought was possible. Things that I had just dreamt of have become reality. I am grasping at all the possibilities and can almost reach out and touch it.

The layers that I have shed in the past few months have been incredible, I was told that I would want to eventually go back to the corporate world and be an adult again. But it seems quite the  opposite, I could not imagine my life without outside. My heart has been pulling me in the direction of following most would think would be impossible if they knew me a few years ago. Emerging for that dark place was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The transition makes me a stranger to those who knew me in those darkest days.

I had to shatter the person that I use to be, the person who I could barely look at in the mirror. I picked up bits and pieces of who I liked, but had to let go of the insecure, negative, scared little girl.  At some point, you have to let go. By no means, has my journey over the past two years been a perfect story of transition. Many moving parts have left me heartsick, discouraged, and angry at times. The thing is, you have to learn to let go of those things, take all of those experiences and turn them into something to grow from. Although, I am not a religious person, I truly believe that everyone comes in to your life for a reason, and everything is a learning experience. You have to take the good out of every experience, even if it is hard to see at the time. 

You have to let the experiences move you to your very core. I have never been more stoked or scared in my life over the past year. My most amazing experiences have left me thinking, "Holy Fucking Shit, this is terrifying and awesome---all at once." That is the amazing thing, to feel everything and let it shake your very being. People do not realize how much a short amount of time can change you. I have collected and treasured so many memories in the past month.

I know I have met some very pivotal people in my life in the past few months. After finding myself unemployed, I decided to dedicate myself to achieving some of my goals with all of my extra time. I aimed to climb 5 volcanoes for the month of  May. Only finding success on Mt. St. Helens and Mount Baker, weather just didn't want to make work for me. But there is no shame in the failure of not meeting the goal. No reason to dwell or beat myself up over it. Actually, I am happy it did not work out. I got to climb so much, and not to mention spend a week in Smith Rock, where I was connected with some very inspiring people who have re-awakened and ignited the fire to push the limits of my life. Smith Rock changed me.

Taking up the Sharp End at Smith Rock State Park (PC: Axel Hoffmann)

Smith Rock slapped me in the face. I was forced to look at my training and focus. Had I really been giving everything I had to Rock Climbing? The answer, no. Sure, I was spending a lot of my time climbing, but was I preparing my mind and body for the goals that I want to accomplish? No.  It was a slap in the face,  and promptly upon my return, I completely changed my focus and training. Climbing in the gym would include for bouldering, focus on footwork, crack climbing, and cardio. So far, I am already feeling stronger. I went to Leavenworth and Index this past week, and am already feeling and seeing improvements. 

Climbing with three insanely talented climbers in Smith was very motivating. Seeing how flawlessly they climbed and how they were not scared to fall made me realize that my fear of falling on lead was silly. Although, I could not even get halfway up on routes they were crushing, they encouraged me, and have pushed me more than they probably realize. I was comfortable, I never wanted to fall on top rope, let alone lead. But enough, was enough, I am the master of my success. There is no way I can get better if I am hanging on to fear. Letting go of the fear has been the best thing I can do. 

Rock climbing is scary. Best way to get over it? Force yourself to deal with the fear. I make myself fall on top rope if I feel like I am getting in my head. You are your own worst enemy when it comes to climbing, and whipping, it really is not as bad as you think. As a girl, you got to push it hard, focus, and toughen the fuck up. 

The real deal after my experiences in Smith, Leavenworth, and Index in the past few weeks.  My life in city is really wearing on me. I got a job, that I am going to work for a while, get my finances in line, and give myself a few months to figure out a few things.  I will probably be living in my car in a few months and have a few places in mind that sound pretty nice.  My focus is  how I can become a strong and safe rock climber. Each step I take needs to lead me to becoming self-sufficent and the path of working towards a Rock Guide Position. Props to all of the people who have been patient with me and taught me their skills. I know I still have a lot of work and dedication to go, but I know it is what I want. My family and some of my friends are still struggling to deal with the fact that I am striving to be "homeless,"  but they know if I am happy and supporting myself, that it will all be okay. Also, I think this is the year that I really need to follow my heart and see where it takes me. No sense in continuing to keep it so guarded. It's time to be open with my heart to more experiences. 

The best thing, I feel terrified and excited all at once. That is how I know I am living it right. No one ever regrets following their heart or doing something crazy every once in a while.


This blog has been a bit of a way for me to share my journey, and I hope that it can help at least one person. But I also want to share things that I am currently using as motivators, inspiration, and may just some fun random facts at the end of every blog post, because I think it is kind of fun. So hear goes.


Favorite Songs of the Moment:
"Devil Eyes" Hippie Sabotage
"This Is How We Walk On The Moon" Jose Gonzalez
"Heart It Races" Dr. Dog

 Favorite Current Climbs:
The Great Northern Slab (5.7 Multipitch) at Index Lower Town Wall
Classic Crack (5.8) Leavenworth, Eight Mile Rock
A Desperate Man (5.9) Smith Rock, Snake Rock

Instagram Inspiration Accounts:
@emilyaharrington
@zebblais
@t.botz
@thehanksmith

Until the next adventure all....

Beautifully Broken

Who am I? 

I feel like I find myself pondering this question every couple of months. I am no one great, I have no special talent, and have not done anything to impact any real change on society.  Life comes at you fast, and that is where we find ourselves worrying. We are constantly trying to prove ourselves to our parents, to our friends, and to ourselves. Our minds go crazy with our thoughts of self-doubt and worry. When we lose a lover, our heart breaks, we start to question what is wrong with us, what we did to make the relationship fail. Then, we find ourselves running, running from the reality of our problems. Acceptance, our we all not constantly running from it?

Try as you may, you cannot escape your feelings, your past, or  your current experience. There is no pause button on life, you can't just lay in bed all day and think that everything will be fine. At some point, you have to force yourself into acceptance, because after we face acceptance, than we can start to push forward, grow, and learn. Once you find yourself in a good spot, there will be more challenges, and that is where you have to continue to focus on acceptance.

Do what you love, even when your heart is breaking, the anxiety is getting out of control, or you feel that the depression is eating you alive. Always focus on what you love, even if you are hurting. It is toxic and unfair to your one precious life to give up on yourself and what you love. There will be a mind battle, yes. But pushing through it will make you even stronger than you were before.

Feeling the Pump after a long day at Sunshine Wall in Vantage. PC: Erin Cunningham

I will never lie or hide my own personal struggles with anxiety and depression. They do not just go away, you do not wake up one day and say, "Hey, I am healed."  All I can do is hope to help others with sharing my story along the way.  I will continue to sound like a broken record, but it is finding what I loved that has really helped me. 

It is the relationship that I have with climbing that has really changed my perspective. Although, I am still new. Nothing has helped me see things more clearly. Rock climbing to me is an art form, it is beautiful when you see someone who loves it, moves with grace, and is not afraid to fall. They just keep pushing. Rock climbing is a very mental sport, you have to get out of your head. This past month, I have really struggled with "getting out of my head." Someone once told me, if you do not say or think you are going to fall, you won't . Thus far, this proves to be the truth. Kind of weird how that all works, positive vibes can go a long way. And perhaps, the belief in yourself can go a long way. Challenging yourself, and failing to get to the top is crushing, and over the past month, I feel that I have seen more of the failure than the success. 

Is it really failure? No. Did I learn something? Yes. That is when you have to get out of your thought process and stop that worry and toxic thoughts. I do not climb for anyone else but me. It gets hard to remember that when I climb with some pretty strong climbers. There is that little voice inside that says, now they won't want to climb with me, I am below them. Honestly, if they do not want to climb with me because I am new, they are assholes. They were not eating 5.12s for breakfast when they started. 

I try not to get caught up on grades either. I climb because I love it, sure, lots of people can muscle through a 5.10. But, to me, I want to make climbing that 5.8 look elegant, not like the struggle bus express. Pushing my limits has been a little rough, I still need to get use to falling. Now, I have thrown in leading trad and sport, which means I am due to take my first whipper. Nerve racking to someone who has not falling much on top rope, but that is where the little world, acceptance, comes into play. I have to accept that I am going to fall, I have to accept that I am going to be okay. What is a real fear and what is a fear that is coming from my mind.

Very much like everyday life. Our thoughts, they can drive us mad. Since I started climbing, I have started using my climbing logic. What is a fear that I am creating with my mind? What is an actual real fear? Climbing has caused me to take into account the bigger picture of life. What is it that I really need to be happy? You got to let the negativity out of your mind and ACCEPT that everything will not always be in your control. Negative thoughts, lead to negative outcomes. Positive thoughts, lead to positive outcomes. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like some hippy shit. Trust me, it really works. Life gets shitty, you can either let the negative engulf you or choose to say  YOLO and move forward. Reset your mind, weather it be taking extra time to climb, hike, go to yoga, or run. Do what makes you feel good. Do not say things out of emotion, sometimes it's best to take some time, step away from the situation, and do what you love. Return the situation after you have spent some time working on your relationship with yourself. When you are out of whack, you usually make really poor choices. Choices that cause you to say, why the fuck did I say/do that?  A lot like climbing, when you panic, you make mistakes. I have gone home a few times in the past few weeks and thought, why the heck did I panic and let that get the best of me? 

Nobody is perfect. Everyone is beautifully broken. You cannot make people love you, you cannot let others control your emotions, and you are stronger than you think you are. Best advice, do what you love, focus on the relationship with yourself, and take time to reset when things get a little crazy and you feel like you can't get a break from the trials of life.

Hey, music is pretty rad too. I love climbing, but music would be my second escape. It is always okay, to take time to feel things. Turn on  whatever your jam is, and feel something. If you need to cry, cry it out. If you need to be angry, feel being angry. If you want to dance, dance it out, or as I would do, twerk it out.  Nothing to be ashamed of, embrace the moment, embrace your life. It is okay.

Until the next adventure.

The Life You Love

Lake Wentachee, Washington.  Photo Credit: Erin Cunningham

Finally, I am taking time to write. It has been a while since I have taken time out to sort my thoughts and get them all written down. Perhaps, it is because I finally have had the time to absorb and process all the events of the past year.  

I cannot even recognize the person I was in old pictures. I was negative, uncomfortable in my skin, and so unhappy. I was grasping for something, that I did not know I was grasping for. At the end of the day, I found myself outside. Outside is not just a weekend thing for me. Sure, I think a lot of my friends thought it was a phase and I had to give up a lot of things in order to focus on making outside my life. I have lost touch with friends, they are all great people, we just do not share common interest anymore. The idea of what society wants from me was the first thing I really threw out the window. Why do I have to have a corporate job that I feel is meaningless? As well as, thoughts of why children, marriage, house, and all the materialistic things mattered so much to people.

Letting go of my last serious boyfriend seemed like such a hard thing to do, but when I look it now, he was holding me back from myself. We just were not right for each other, and I am so happy I took time to realize this. He really never knew me.  Losing my job, that sucked at the time, but now, I realize how lucky I got to get out of there. You have all heard this story before though.

Finally, in May of last year, I felt comfortable with me, just me. I credit this to a strong support group of friends and family. Life is pretty great when you get to do the things you love with the people you love. So there I was, minding my own business, plotting my next adventures. 

From out of the middle of nowhere, the universe threw me a curveball. A curveball in the form of a good-looking mountain guide, who had an interest in yours truly. Everything was fun with him, we hit it off and shared lots of laughs. He changed me, more than you would think for such a small amount of time we spent together. I was in awe of how beautiful he made the alpine look, not only with his photos, but with how his passion and dedication shined through. He made the life he lived truly beautiful.

In a short amount of time he showed me some of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.  Opened my eyes to how strong and capable I really am. Shuksan, SEWS, agreeing to attempt Stuart, climbing in Leavenworth, and the grand finale of the relationship being Joshua Tree and Red Rock Canyon. I put on my brave face when I went home, knowing it was over. Boarding my plane back to Washington, I knew it was over. Summer had faded away, like us. I was broken hearted, I can't even lie. No one probably knew how heart broken I really was. 

Now, months later, I have had time to reflect on the events of the summer. How important it was for me to meet him and share those experiences.  Without him coming into my life, I would never had the final push I needed to make outside my life.  Not to mention, getting thrown in to rock climbing and discovering that passion has been pretty rad too.

That's the thing we forget about, we forget to embrace the moment. Remember everyone comes into our life for a reason. Life is not made up of the should have, could have, would have moments. But the real raw moments, the moments where we push ourselves to the limit. Feeling everything, the hurt, pain, happiness, passion, and beauty in each moment. You cannot forget to take in the moment, even if things seem bad, there is so much to be thankful for in this one life we get.  Do not be that person that gets caught up in the negativity of the moment. If someone does not want to take the time to get to know me, I really do not care. It's their loss at the end of the day. I know what I have to offer.

It is also really entertaining all the people who have formulated opinions on who I am that use to know me. Or the people who do not know me at all. They think of me one way, but have taken no time to get to know me or get to know me again. Someone use to always tell me that it was not possible for people to change. I laugh when I hear that now, because I am living proof that it is possible to change. You have to decide what your worth is, and what you need out of life to be happy. Not what others need to give you in life to make you happy.

With all of this being said. I have decided to build the life that I love. Not a life that my parents, friends, and society wants me to have. I live a pretty simple life. I work to pay my bills and have enough money to travel and get some gear from time to time. But it's a life that allows me to do what I want.  A life that truly excites and makes me feel truly alive. I choose outside, because there is nothing in the world that makes me feel more like myself or happier.  How many people can really say that they are living the life they want?

I have been spending my winter months working on my climbing and focusing on what I need to do to get to where I need to  be.  It has become more and more obvious that I crave a life where I can share my passion and teach others about the outdoors. It is my hope that I can get some more experience and education in the alpine. So, by this time next year, I can be gearing up to guide clients and teach the younger generation about how empowering outside can be.

These days, I do not let much  get me too upset. Everything is only temporary, and nothing last forever. You have to embrace the moment, be thankful for your life. Make sure you drink a few beers, make some great friends, and live in the moment.

Until the next adventure my friends.

2015

Two Thousand Fifteen.

Mount Rainier National Park

In the blink of an eye, 2015 will be done and over with. This was truly an incredible year, and I cannot think of any words to express what an amazing year it has been. It has been by far the best year of my life. I have been trying to think about what my favorite moments of 2015 and it has been tough. Certain moments have stuck out more than others, but I have lived quite the life this year.

I could lie, and say everything has been perfect this year, but it has not.  My dad spent the summer battling cancer and beat it. I had to cut ties with someone who was not good for me and their was plenty of disappointment. At the end of the  day what it really boils down to is the fact, that no matter how bad things got, I really cannot complain.

The Top of Humpback Mountain

If I had to do it over again, there would not be one thing that I would change. Reflecting, there are some adventures that stand out more than others.

10. Mount St. Helens. How could anyone ever forget their first volcano? It was disgustingly hot for April and I had done everything I thought I needed to do in order to be prepared for the climb. Now, I laugh at that day. We all ran out of water, I shamelessly ate snow about 1000ft from the summit, but damn, that Rainier tasted so good at the top.

9. Mount Adams. Key things to remember: do not make the trek up to Lunch Counter your first backpacking trip, do not get drunk the night before, and if you want to have the most epic middle of the night pee in your life do it here during a full moon.  It was heartbreaking not to get the summit, but I know that I will be back in a few short months to see what the world looks like from the top of Mount Adams.

8.  Marmot Pass/Buckhorn Mountain.  Girls Memorial Day Trip. We killed it with our full packs and only took a few hours to get to the top of the pass. We were feeling pretty confident, and decided to unpack and head up to Buckhorn. Little did we know that Gary the Goat had other plans. As we started to get to the top of the ridge, we noticed a very angry goat was coming after another hiker. Katherine and I thought we would be able to wait it out, but unfortunately, Gary the Goat had other plans. Let's just say the goats were not having us this trip. The epic views were not available because of cloud coverage, but I do not think I ever laughed harder at someone purifying water. I think it may have to be a Memorial Day tradition.

7. Vantage, Washington Climbing.  Luckily, I got the bug for climbing and have had some really generous people take me out. My first trip, was pretty memorable. My friend Jason and I stayed the night and were able to save the tent from a fun windstorm. Reid trying to lead a climb and realizing he didn't have enough gear. We froze our butts off the next day, but there was lots of laughing. Second time, was with people I had never met before. But it was also a hilarious time, with Ilia giving a really strong belay.

6. Humpback Mountain.  Katherine decided we were going to go for a "baby" hike since her super awesome boyfriend, Kyle, would be joining us for the adventure. It was probably one of my favorites from the summer. We woke up early, got a sweat in, and Kyle was nice enough to carry up some Rainiers for us:) Not to mention, Katherine and I made a pretty rad rap video.

5. Leavenworth, Washington Climbing. The West Ridge of Mount Stuart ended up being a bust, because I was not ready for a Sufferfest. It was the right call to head to Leavenworth and get some Cragging and Raspberry Wheat Beer time. I love Leavenworth and the fact that I was able to get in a multi-pitch climb in. There were some tears at Castle Rock when getting up the Jello Tower. Such as life, you got to cry sometime, and it will make you want the top more when you go back.

4. South Sister.  It was the first time I met my friends Lindsay and Tim. I picked Lindsay up bright and early to drive to Bend, Oregon. We started our summit bid a bit late, but I tell you the top looked fabulous when we got there and the sunset coming down was breathtaking. I was very happy to be a part of Lindsay's first major summit, and look forward to our future adventures.

3.  Gothic Basin/Del Campo Peak Attempt.  At some point, I forgot that it was not summer anymore when planning this trip. It was the last two days of September, and I was in need of an adventure in a bad way after suffering a little bit of heartbreak.  We hit the trailhead late, and had to end up setting up camp on the side of a trail. Such as life right? The next morning we woke up  bright and early and found ourselves at Foggy Lake. I think someone forgot to tell Mother Nature that is was no longer summer. It had to have been in the 70s and we hiked all day in our sport bras. As we made our attempt at Del Campo Peak, we were stopped by a couple who told us we were headed the wrong way.... This was a huge mistake, always trust yourself. Not the couple hiking in sandals, we ended up not making it to the top and had to turn around. The day was truly splitter. It was the perfect way to celebrate the ending of September.

2. Mount Shuksan/ SEWS.  I really thought this was going to be my top memory from 2015. This was the trip that changed me. Where I was lucky enough to go with someone who is a really great teacher and opened my eyes to the wonders of the alpine.  When I went on this trip for my birthday, I thought that I was trying to transition into a mountaineer. Something about a rope and rock got to me though.  I could go on forever about everything that was amazing about this trip, but I will spare you all of the details. This trip, really showed me that I could do anything I put my heart and mind too. It opened my eyes to the Alpine, and that life was not all about the Rainiers and Bakers, but more about the Forbiddens and Stuarts.

En Route to Mount Shuksan High Camp

1. Joshua Tree National Park Red Rock Canyon.  Yup, this is the one. The one that solidified, that I love climbing. Joshua Tree was brutal on my hands, my heart, and yeah, there were some tears.I loved  it, the landscape, and the challenge. Sure, I know I am sloppy, new climber right now, but it gave me something to aspire to. Joshua Tree opened my eyes to what I want to be and where I want to be. Red Rock was just the cherry on top.  I want to live and breath climbing. I may be starting a little late in the game, but hey, you got to start somewhere.

Notable mentions for the year would be my most recent trip to Aspen where I got to get on some ice, some time spent at Exit 38, and Snow Lake this summer with beers and floaties.

2016, will be an exciting one with a lot of hard work needing to be put in. My main focus will be climbing like a crazy woman, getting my Wilderness First Responder, hopefully taking a 12 day course on Alpine and Technical Leadership, and taking off the entire month of October (or ROCKTOBER) to travel to places like Yosemite, Zion, and Wyoming to live that dirtbag life.

Take care all. Until the Next Adventure.

COM·MU·NI·TY

COM·MU·NI·TY

She's my ride or die chick.  (Photo by Cliff Birdsall)

The year is coming to an end. It is kind of crazy, the first of January will mark a full year since I decided to take control of my life, and boy what a difference a year makes.The evolution of who I have become over the last year was quite the journey. It has been a year full of laughter, tears, pain, and finding new passions.  Along the way, I have had the pleasure of connecting and re-connecting with some pretty incredible people. Without these people in my life, I would be nothing. 

The support of my community (friends and family) has been pivotal. This year, I had to get over the heartbreak of losing something I thought I loved, my father's battle with cancer, losing a furry companion, and the journey of finding myself. I have been #blessed with how loving and excepting my community has been to me. The people that share the passion of the outdoors have been some of the most selfless people I have ever met. I heard once, that a mountain friend is a forever friend. As silly as it sounds, it is totally true. People for all walks of life can just be themselves in the mountains. It does not matter how much money you make, where you are from, because everyone just accepts you. There is a mutual respect for those who share the stoke.

High Fives All Around at Mount Baker Ski Area (Photo Credit: Mitch Pitman)

To some people, the mountains may just be an escape. But it is the very thing that gives us our life, fuels our fire. Sadly, as  the risk get higher, members of the community are lost. Perhaps, that is why we love each other so much, the thing that makes our bond so close. Life is too short, and we are all fully aware. Every moment spent with each other is something that should be savored. The memories that I have made this year could last a lifetime.

When I started hiking, I did not really think that I was capable of much else. Although, I had big mountain dreams. To be honest, without my community, I would have never pursued my dreams. Thanks especially to Katherine, for seeing my badassery even when I couldn't see it. I am not going to lie, you have to weed through the bullshit of the fake people in life. 

No one should ever let anyone dull their sparkle. Although, the process of finding out who is really a member of your community and who is not can be a painful one. You have to be selfish with who you surround your self with. I would do anything for my friends and people close to me.

I guess, the motto of 2015, that I want to continue through 2016 would be, surround yourself with those who love you and push you to be better. Life is meant to be lived and spent with those you love. Not everyone will like you, but oh well, there loss. But the people who really love you, will be there for you through your successes and your failures. Always remember your self worth. The journey is the best part of life, not the destination (cliche, but so true). 

Trust your gut, follow your heart, and all the rest will make sense.

Until the next adventure. 

Skyline Ridge with Erin Cunningham and Katherine Scheulen.

Adieu

It's time to face reality.  The last days of summer have slipped through my fingers. I held on for as long as I could to the memories and the moments that shaped me this summer, but now it is time to bid summer adieu. This is the summer that changed me, where I found myself.

At the beginning of the spring, I found myself crying on the side of Mount Adams, convinced that I didn't have what it took to be a climber.  I thought that I was only meant for day hikes and backpacking trips. I stepped up my game and trained harder. Pushed myself to the limits, life was going pretty great. I found some sort of redemption on the South Sister just outside of Bend, Oregon. Plus, I made a  lifelong friend in that trip. I took floaties to alpine lakes, had my dance parties at the top of summits, and even managed to not kill myself with the worst hiking boots I ever owned.

Life has a funny way of sending you people in the most unexpected way. It was just another day, I was working wishing I was outside. When suddenly, I noticed a stranger was interested in sharing a Rainier on a summit of a mountain this summer. I had gotten those invites before, but this guy seemed to be legit. After a brief exchange and a good ol' fashion phone call (take note kids) we were set to meet and possibly rope up in the future.  Little did I know, this guy was going to change the very person I was becoming. Everyone comes into your life for a reason, whether it be for a short amount of time or for the long haul. So, we planned an adventure. Little did he know it would be only my third backpacking trip of my life. You all know what happened, I went to Washington Pass and Mount Shuksan. The experience moved me.

This blogpost is in a way, a big thank you to that person. This person has believed I was capable of doing things I never thought possible. Never in a million years did I think I would love rock climbing as much as I do now. I never thought I would have the physical capacity to climb for days on end, destroying my body in Leavenworth, Joshua Tree, and Red Rock Canyon.

I've loved being outside for a long time now. Now, it is my passion, and the only way I picture my life and my future. I am so thankful that I had a person who believed in me, and who was so patient and willing to let me tag along. Although they are lightyears ahead of me in their skill, because everyone deserves to have someone in their life that pushes them to be a better version of themselves.

This summer changed me, because I know that I am capable. It also provided me with so many beautiful moments.  Mountains are always teaching us something. Mount Adams taught me, that it is okay to fail. You are not really failing, you are just learning something about yourself. Mount Shuksan taught me that I am stronger than I ever thought. Rock Climbing, has awakened my very being.  Although, I have cried from fear, but everything I want is on the other side of fear. Find out what you are scared of, and conquer the shit out of it.

The most important thing learned this summer. Follow your passion and be thankful for the moments you do have. It's better to have a lifetime of memories, than expensive possessions.

To that person, thank you for showing me that I am capable and giving me memories to last a lifetime.

And to the Winter, bring it on.

Until the next adventure.