The Next Chapter

It's been a while since my last blog post. I am about to embark on my third alpine climb, I really cannot believe that in a few days, I will be heading out to hopefully have a success summit of the West Ridge of Mount Stuart. A lot has changed in the past year, and in many ways, Mount Stuart will mark the closing of a chapter of my life.

When I started this blog, I was broken. Having no idea who I was or where I was going. My heart was broken and I did not have that sparkle in my eye. My heart has mended and I have found that thing that puts the sparkle in my eyes. I am so incredibly blessed for where the road has lead me. 

It's hard to describe my love of climbing. Every ounce of my being craves the challenge, and although, I am new to this alpine thing, it's hard to picture my life without it. The weird thing is, my focus has done a complete 180 since Mount Adams. I want to get better, I want the challenge. Hell, as I type this I look at the sores on my hands from my attempts of crack climbing. But it's satisfying, knowing what your body does for you.

Alpinism has changed my perception of myself and has truly made me value those who are important in my life. I never really realized it, but I left a piece of myself with every hike I took in the past year. The first hike of the year, Lena Lake, took away my excuses, I no longer would allowed myself to make excuses for who I am or for why I couldn't do anything after that hike. Mount Townsend gave me my first failure and made me realize what a mental game hiking can be, when I turned back a few hundred feet from the summit in fear of falling down a snowy slope.  Mount St Helens, took my heart in a huge way, it ripped it open with the desire for big climbs.  Mount Adams humbled me, made me take a good look at myself. I cried on that mountain because I felt like a failure. Maybe, I was not meant to be a climber. Then, the South Sister opened my eyes, and fueled the love again. The real love story is just beginning, South Arete and Mount Shuksan caused me to fall deep in love with alpinism.

I have many great friends who I have met through shared this shared passion. We push ourselves to be better than we know we are more than capable of. Perhaps, it's my friend Katherine, who I am most thankful for. She said that I am a more of a badass than I even know. She is truly, one of my number one supporters. 

Here is the funny thing, you think your life is going to be one way. I was content with my life, but it's funny how fast others can change you, show you that you are capable of more than you imagined. In July, I met someone who has become my mentor and a pretty incredible person in my life.  What is a mentor? Someone who sees your strengths and weakness, but pushes you to become more. Climbing should be fun, when you don't realize how hard you are working and climbing to a summit seems to fly by, that's when you know you are doing it right, you are with the right people.  The impact that he has made on me is going to last a lifetime, showing me that I am strong and capable.

Mountains should move you. I cried at the top of Mount Shuksan. Not of fear, but I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Nothing prepares you for those moments, when the world seems to stop. I never thought I would be doing any of this a year ago, I was so weak, I felt like I was nothing. Being on top of the South Arete and Mount Shuksan within  3 days of each other showed me how strong and able I am. Sharing the moment with your mentor and a person you care about, that's pretty amazing.

Like I said in the beginning, I am closing a chapter this weekend. The chapter of the depressed, anxiety driven, and weak little girl that I use to be. Reborn, I am strong, capable, hungry, and so ready to challenge myself every day. Nothing can make you see who you really are like a mountain, you are forced to look at yourself.  And I really like what I see. 

Until the next adventure.