The Art of Acceptance

The Art of Acceptance.

That's a funny thing to think about.  Do we ever truly accept things? Or do we just push thoughts and feelings out of our mind to protect ourselves from getting hurt. I know for me, this whole acceptance thing is really hard thing to deal with.

Accepting the fact, that I didn't get the childhood that I wanted. But does anyone?

But accepting the fact, that your childhood shapes you, that's tough. You have no one to blame, but it's these little things, the mistakes of our parents that really make us who we are.  We are products of our environment.

Can we blame our parents? Live in the world where we just point the finger that everything is their fault?  

If you are like me, you start to go through the stages, the stages of seeking guidance and understanding. 

Why am I, the way I am?

Sure, I am angry. If my parents are reading this, I am sure they will be pissed that I am bringing all of my family secrets to light. 

Life, it never turns out the way imagine. Imagine, our parents, young and dumb. Not thinking about how some of their stupid choices will change someone else's life. I am sure at 20, my mom had no desire to be a parent, hell, if I am honest, she never wanted to have kids. My mom and dad weren't in love and weren't high school sweethearts, there is no magically love story.  The truth is the matter is, they were lonely, and that's how I came about.

No one was prepared, and I don't know if they really truly have accepted the situation. In the end, they were terrible to each other and I lived a life without knowing my father. I was the throw away kid, the one that was the accident. I wasn't wanted, I was a mistake, and I think my mom saw that. I guess our parents do the best they can.

This is where that silly little word acceptance comes in.

At 28, I am accepting my childhood and my experiences. I had always hoped for better, and have spent a lot of years in denial of my flaws. The truth is, I am broken, and it's time to start putting the pieces together.  Although, my behaviors are learned, it's no longer an excuse. 

The road is very long. It's all about the baby steps.

Living in the moment. I've began this process of acceptance.  Somedays, I feel like I have made so much progress. Then one set back, and you feel like a failure, hopeless. That is when you have to remove yourself from the situation, accept what's done is done. I can't change my past, my parents, my actions, my mistakes, instead, I have to accept it. Move on with my life and take time to enjoy the moment.

That's what makes up life, the moments.