The Journey to Happiness

The Journey to Happiness

4.26.15 Descending from Camp Muir on Mount Rainier. I was enamored by the beauty of this moment.

When I first started this blog, I was going through a really tough time in my life. I thought this blog was going to be an outlet to vent all of my emotional stress that was hard for me to verbalize. Little did I know, that this blog would evolve into my journey to becoming who I have always wanted to be. Deep down inside, who I have always been.

I remember when I fell in love with the idea of Mountaineering. It was shortly after I read "Into Thin Air," about the 1996 Everest Disaster. Not the book that many would credit to sparking their interest to climbing. For me, this exemplified everything that I wished I could have been. To love something so much you would be willing to give your life for it. The love of the mountains is so strong, that these people are willing to die for their passion.

In the beginning, I got my feet wet with a climb up to Mount Washington in New Hampshire. This was the first thing I had ever done for myself after spending a few years in an abusive relationship. My childhood and young adult life were spent thinking I was never good enough. This is a battle that I go through still to this day. Climbing Mount Washington was one of the best things I have ever done, I tattooed the coordinates of this location to always remind myself that I am good enough, and that no one can ever tell me I am not worth anything again.

Ira Spring Trail Creek Crossing, 4.12.15

Sadly, I did not allow myself to pursue this in the years that follow. With a series of failed relationships, being a full-time student, and working, I had not allowed myself to follow my heart's desires. In November, I was asked to step down from my position because "I wasn't the right fit." I still find this odd, since I turned around a failing division in the company. At the end of the day, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. The job was emotionally and physically exhausting, it is terrible working for people who only focus on the negative aspects of a person. Of course, I took it incredibly hard at first. 

I took a job as a server, working for a friend, to stay a float until I found the right fit.  This is perhaps, one of the best things I have ever done in my life. It helped me awaken my soul, to follow my desires and dreams. 2015, is my year, nothing can change my mind about that. I have taken at least one day a week to get outside and push myself. Taking in every moment that the mountains have to offer me. 

The descent of Mount Saint Helens with my ladies, Mount Hood in the background. 4.18.15

 Of course, Everest isn't climbed in a day. Training has been the true test of my mental and physical strength. I started off small, doing easy hikes, but now, I find myself pushing it to the limit every time I go out. A full loaded pack, standing so close to the edge of everything that makes me feel alive. There have been my failures since I started. A trip to Reflection Lake at Mount Rainier National Park ended because of down trees and a trip to Mount Townsend ended because of fear (just 500 feet short of the summit). With ever step I take I find myself getting stronger.

Summit of Mount Saint Helens, Rainier on Rainier 4.16.15

I thought therapy was going to really help me work on myself, and become a better me. How wrong I was, and I am not ashamed to say it. Nothing has made me feel more alive and more at peace than climbing. You become so appreciative of everything your body does for you. Trust me, it is pretty amazing how the little things in life seem to fade away when you are pushing yourself to the limit. You also learn how to embrace and truly live every moment. Mount Saint Helens and Camp Muir have really shown me that you have to push through, even when your mind is telling you can't do it anymore. A voice inside of me reminds me that I am alive, and most people do not get to experience these things. I have only one life to live, and I want to feel everything.

Sure, I find myself questioning my abilities here and there. There are still people who judge me, call me "Social Media" obsessed and will say nasty things about me. Do I care? No, because if your life is so pathetic you have to talk about me, go right ahead if it makes you feel better.  How can you judge someone you do not know me at all? People are weird.

Climbing and hiking for me isn't about being cool. It's about my journey, my happiness. Nothing makes me feel more alive and at peace with myself. No one can take it away from me. I share my thoughts, my pictures, and Instagram the crap out of my pictures to inspire others. If I can do it, anyone can do anything they put their mind to. Health issues have plagued my life since I was 19, but that can't stop me. This is the message that I want to send to people, you are really never too old to be who you have always wanted to be.

Yesterday, on Mount Rainier, I witnessed my first "Ice Fall," which at first appeared to be an avalanche. In that moment, I was not scared, more at peace, because I was doing what I loved. Life is pretty beautiful, and you have to embrace every moment of it. 

Getting caught up in the superficial will give you nothing. Trying so hard to be something society wants you to be will eat you alive and destroy you. Life is short, it could be over any moment. So why not live authentic?

Until the next adventure.

Enjoying the Sunset and Olympics after a weekend of climbing.